To those of you who don’t know me personally I can
understand how it may come as a shock to hear that I am an introvert. How can someone who puts themselves online,
at the hand of public scrutiny from strangers be an introvert…that takes guts!
Right?
Well not really. Not
to come down on my own hobby and profession, but at the end of the day I’m a
just woman sitting behind a computer screen.
It’s been my life goal to be able to share my thoughts and opinions with
women everywhere, but I couldn’t exactly become a public speaker with my severe
stage fright and all, so this was my solution.
My voice can be heard, I can say what I want, stand up for what I
believe in, and post what I feel like posting.
Bullies on here are nothing more than text, sure I can read them but I
can’t hear them, and everything can be blocked and deleted with a few short
clicks.
But lately, my introverted-ness has become blatantly
apparent thanks to my wild and crazy boyfriend who is in every sense of the
word, an extrovert. He is fearless, a characteristic
I wish I had, and so confident that it is literally contagious. He somehow managed to get my deathly-scared-of-water
butt out on a jet ski, FLIP ME INTO THE WATER (on accident) and keep calm
enough for the both of us, which made me remain calm, and the whole incident
actually aided in overcoming my fear, a fear I’ve had my whole life. He did,
in just short of one hour, what my family has been trying to do for 23
years. But this isn’t about him really,
its about me and my type of personality.
It’s misunderstood and for no reason at all other than an overflowing
mind, I decided to talk to you ladies about it.
Shoot, make your friends read it too….I’m sure I’m not the only
introvert dating an extrovert.
So why has it been on my mind lately? Because I’m trying to
move on with my life and I find myself paralyzed with fear sometimes…and when I’m
not scared I’m merely comfortable, which is arguable a worse position to be in
because its harder to get out of. I like being at home alone so why go out and be
social? I like to watch an old DVD on
the couch so why go to a crowded movie theater surrounded by people I don’t know…where
I have to wear pants. But although I’m comfortable
at home, I’m lonely…..a lot…..and I shouldn’t be. I have 2 jobs, I work out, I’m a full time
Auntie with no holiday breaks, and I’m a girlfriend. Why am I so lonely? Because every single
opportunity that presents itself for me to go out or stay home, I stay
home. Every weekend I’m not seeing my
dude, I work on articles for you all. And as much as I love working on those
articles it takes up a lot of time, so before I know it 4 days have gone by and
half the weekend I was behind a computer screen.
I’m not okay with it but I guess I’m not hear to complain, I’m
here to explain. Let me paint this picture for you, and I swear this is literally
what I’m doing at this very moment that I’m writing this. I’m in the sun room of my house, all the
curtains are open but the windows aren’t.
It’s……..pouring. I have a Shirley
Temple with a fork in it, so I can pick out the cherries, my phone to my left
playing my favorite band quietly so I can still hear the rain, and a warm
blanket on my lap because my house is freezing.
To me, this is heaven. To some
people this would be torture and boring as hell, but not to me. I'm ok with this lifestyle because it makes me
happy…but that doesn’t mean I’m not aching to try something new. I wish I could live a day in the life of
someone who is confident enough to walk up to a stranger and start a
conversation. Someone who goes from the
gym to the park to the store comfortably, without being overwhelmed by all the
people. I wish I could live one day not afraid
of what people are thinking about me. I
wish I could have just 24 hours of life, without this invisible net that’s
holding me back, because I’m starting to feel like a dog, a dog with a treat
balancing on it’s nose. You have
something in your life that you know you’re gonna get the second you just
choose to take it, but you have absolutely no idea when that time is going to
be.
