Confessions of an Introvert

THIS IS A FREEWRITE! A stream of a consciousness if you will....there will probably be typos and grammatical errors that I'm not fixing.  With an overactive imagination like mine, sometimes your brain just gets overflowed with thoughts and when that happens you just have to get it all out..........

To those of you who don’t know me personally I can understand how it may come as a shock to hear that I am an introvert.  How can someone who puts themselves online, at the hand of public scrutiny from strangers be an introvert…that takes guts! Right?

Well not really.  Not to come down on my own hobby and profession, but at the end of the day I’m a just woman sitting behind a computer screen.  It’s been my life goal to be able to share my thoughts and opinions with women everywhere, but I couldn’t exactly become a public speaker with my severe stage fright and all, so this was my solution.  My voice can be heard, I can say what I want, stand up for what I believe in, and post what I feel like posting.  Bullies on here are nothing more than text, sure I can read them but I can’t hear them, and everything can be blocked and deleted with a few short clicks. 

But lately, my introverted-ness has become blatantly apparent thanks to my wild and crazy boyfriend who is in every sense of the word, an extrovert.  He is fearless, a characteristic I wish I had, and so confident that it is literally contagious.  He somehow managed to get my deathly-scared-of-water butt out on a jet ski, FLIP ME INTO THE WATER (on accident) and keep calm enough for the both of us, which made me remain calm, and the whole incident actually aided in overcoming my fear, a fear I’ve had my whole life.   He did, in just short of one hour, what my family has been trying to do for 23 years.  But this isn’t about him really, its about me and my type of personality.  It’s misunderstood and for no reason at all other than an overflowing mind, I decided to talk to you ladies about it.  Shoot, make your friends read it too….I’m sure I’m not the only introvert dating an extrovert. 

So why has it been on my mind lately? Because I’m trying to move on with my life and I find myself paralyzed with fear sometimes…and when I’m not scared I’m merely comfortable, which is arguable a worse position to be in because its harder to get out of. I like being at home alone so why go out and be social?  I like to watch an old DVD on the couch so why go to a crowded movie theater surrounded by people I don’t know…where I have to wear pants.  But although I’m comfortable at home, I’m lonely…..a lot…..and I shouldn’t be.  I have 2 jobs, I work out, I’m a full time Auntie with no holiday breaks, and I’m a girlfriend.  Why am I so lonely? Because every single opportunity that presents itself for me to go out or stay home, I stay home.  Every weekend I’m not seeing my dude, I work on articles for you all. And as much as I love working on those articles it takes up a lot of time, so before I know it 4 days have gone by and half the weekend I was behind a computer screen. 

I’m not okay with it but I guess I’m not hear to complain, I’m here to explain. Let me paint this picture for you, and I swear this is literally what I’m doing at this very moment that I’m writing this.  I’m in the sun room of my house, all the curtains are open but the windows aren’t.  It’s……..pouring.  I have a Shirley Temple with a fork in it, so I can pick out the cherries, my phone to my left playing my favorite band quietly so I can still hear the rain, and a warm blanket on my lap because my house is freezing.  To me, this is heaven.  To some people this would be torture and boring as hell, but not to me.  I'm ok with this lifestyle because it makes me happy…but that doesn’t mean I’m not aching to try something new.  I wish I could live a day in the life of someone who is confident enough to walk up to a stranger and start a conversation.  Someone who goes from the gym to the park to the store comfortably, without being overwhelmed by all the people.  I wish I could live one day not afraid of what people are thinking about me.  I wish I could have just 24 hours of life, without this invisible net that’s holding me back, because I’m starting to feel like a dog, a dog with a treat balancing on it’s nose.  You have something in your life that you know you’re gonna get the second you just choose to take it, but you have absolutely no idea when that time is going to be.   

Google+ Badge