A fresh start

Dear readers, 

It's time to get to the elephant in the room, it is November...I know, yet I'm just now finishing the October Alphabet articles. As many of you may or may not have seen on my Facebook page, I recently came clean about why you have seen a lot of leaves in the background of my pictures. If you paid attention a couple months ago I announced my move to Phoenix, Arizona where I did in fact end up living, but not for long. John and I had stayed very public about our relationship (on my blog) because it was a very healthy, stable one and I felt the need to share with young women everywhere so that someone somewhere could have a couple to look up to, with a dose of reality. We lived together, we are young, and struggling financially...but we made the most of it, had fun, fell deeply in love (real genuine love) and kept our heads on straight. That is why I kept the general aspects of our relationship in the public eye. John was my best friend and less importantly, my blog photographer so you can image the pure panic when we broke up. My blog is my everything and I didn't know what I was going to do. Here's what happened, John graduated OSU in December 2012 and months later got offered a job that required him to move to Phoenix. We decided our relationship was strong enough to handle the 2 months of separation when he moved away before me, and I stayed in Ohio to close out our lease and pack up our belonging, selling all our furniture. Well, unfortunately something inexplicable happened in the 2 months we were physically separated and when we got reunited I think we both realized it wasn't the same. We were fine for about a week or 2, and then avoided talking about what was going on, but in the long run we both realized it wasn't the same anymore. I was unhappy, I missed Ohio and I missed my family. I was in unfamiliar territory. I left my mother, my sister, and my nephew. I made the choice the leave the school of my dreams for a man who I was confident was my future husband. I took a leap of faith and evidently it was the wrong choice. All that being said, John is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. He is a strong, intelligent, respectable man and I do not blame him for what happened nor do I have anything poor to say about him. He is still in Phoenix in our apartment we got together, and I moved back to Ohio. So ladies, you will soon see snow in the background of my pictures because I am in Ohio again. I am loving the Fall and I am trying to stay on track, but with a cross country move twice in a month I obviously sometimes get behind with blogging. I am currently working 2 jobs so I can save as much money as possible and get my apartment set up. In terms of me, I am healing pretty fast because I am strong woman...a strength I got from my last break-up. I have made some amazing new friends since I moved back, one of which I can relate to on so many levels that we instantly bonded, sharing crazy stories and understanding each other a lot. I love my co-workers and both my jobs are amazing and time consuming....in a good way. It would be a lie to say I wasn't still sad. I miss John like crazy because I miss my best friend, but I am embracing being a single woman now. Do I still cry from time to time, of course. The other day, I had a panic attack and went to smell the teddy bear John got me for Valentine's day, because it smells like his cologne and it always calms me down, because hugging John smelled like that, and he used to calm me down. The bear, Gilbert, doesn't smell like him anymore and it was weird, and scary. I have to face my demons on my own now, and take care of myself and calm myself down. It was the moment I think I 100% realized I was by myself again. Since that happened I decided it was time to tell my story. I appreciate your support and patience in this difficult time in my life and hope you can forgive me for the craziness that may ensue with the blog and long hiatuses that may be in the near future while I take time to 100% heal. Thank You so much. I love you all with all my heart.

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