Let's start with my childhood, low self esteem, a gut, and a sister who highly enjoyed using me as her punching bag. She might read this and hate me for it, but it needs to be addressed. I forgive her now, we're both adults with jobs and relationships to worry about, but as a kid, it killed me. Your sister is supposed to be your role model, and mine was a bully. It killed my self confidence, and ruined my security. She was a girly girl, you know, ruffles and pink and glitter and sparkles. I was a tomboy. Those two personality types just don’t mix well, and I endured years and years of degrading comments, and insistent reminders that I had no fashion sense and my clothes were ugly, and I was fat. But hell, I grew up to have awesome boobs so the joke is on her am I right? We’ll fast forward a little bit to high school, my classmates were decent, I have to hand it to them really. For our school district having such a nasty reputation for being filled with stuck up, spoiled rich kids who spend Daddy’s money and get BMWs at 16, they were nice. The overweight kids, the LGBT kids, the art geeks, the “poor” (upper middle class to the rest of society) kids, the non-white kids, and our classmate Jack, who had a mental handicap, we’re welcomed with open arms, and all fit in somewhere. That being said however, the pressure to fit and and wear what everyone else was wearing was just something I couldn’t keep up with. They wouldn’t necessarily go out of their way to make fun of you if didn’t have what they had, but they would have the balls to ask “Is that a real Vera Bradley, are those Abercrombie, how much were your UGGs?” and it was blatantly apparent in my head that I didn’t fit in. I had a different style, second hand clothes, and no-name brand winter boots. I wished so much I could have the clothes they had so I didn’t stick out so much. It wasn’t that I wanted to be a cookie cutter, but it was that I hate attention, negative or positive. I’m a wall flower most of the time, a really chic wall flower, with great hair, but a wall flower non the less. I’m that weirdo who doesn’t know what to do when I get a compliment. Let’s fast forward some more because I’m sure you could care less about my lackluster freshman year of college of no drinking or partying, no drugs, and no sleeping around. So here I am 19 years old now, and I find my “dream man” (or so I thought at the time) and long, depressing story short, I find out I’m girlfriend #3, the other two lived in other states. So one day, while he was at work, I packed up my stuff, and my dogs, wrote a note and left it on the stupid bear he gave me for valentines day and left him. I moved back in with my mom, and I cried myself to sleep for about 2 months. I was broken, I had no will to do anything ever, and I was insecure to the max. In my head I wasn’t even good enough to keep a boyfriend, I must be ugly, or fat, or smell bad, or something right? I went to bed every night trying to thing how I could be such an awful person, that someone needs two other girlfriends because clearlyI was that awful. I failed myself as a young woman, and I have never had less confidence in my life. THEN on day, I started shopping. A lot. I found a new world of excitement and self expression, I enjoyed trying new things and buying stuff I hadn’t been able to buy the past year because I was with someone who would yell at me if I did, once again, he was clearly a catch. And out of boredom one day, I wanted to buy a maxi skirt. They looked fun, and comfy....but I had no idea how to wear one. So I pulled out my laptop and searched for “How To Style a Maxi Skirt” and that’s where I found Alex. She was fun, and so different than me. A tall skinny blonde, who made YouTube videos for a living, or so I thought. And she always had the coolest jewelry, so I found out one day that she actually had her own line of chunky chain necklaces, which I loved, and she sold them from her website, and fashion blog. I kid you not, I had never read a blog before in my life, nor did I have any idea that that could be your career. Well, through Alex, I found other bloggers she liked, and other You tubers who created videos similar to hers. Well, I did some damage, and I had a whole new wardrobe, so I did what anybody trying to build themselves back up from rock bottom would do, I threw my existing wardrobe away. I donated it all to the thrift shop, and I started from scratch.
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| Curly hair don't care! This is the real me, and I love every bit of it <3 |
know I’m not twig skinny, I’m a 10 not a 2. I know I’m not a Cover Girl, I have blemishes. I know I’m not a Skintamate model either, I have cellulite and scars from years of Track and Field still. But guess what fashion world. I don’t care. It’s your fault women and little girls starve themselves, get plastic surgery, and rack up hundreds upon thousands of dollars in debt trying to stay on trend and in touch with the latest new “it” item. It’s time to change that, right now. So get ready for me, Viktoria Harlan, who has a laundry list of flaws, to take you down. I can look good too, I can stay on trend and save money, I can dress my body and look sexy, and I can wear the same pants all week, and you won’t know because I style it differently every day.
Now, this very second that I’m typing this, I’m more confident and secure with myself as a young woman than I every have been in my whole life. And I don’t really care if someone doesn’t want to see a mixed, “plus size” (according to society) girl do fashion! Of course there are still things I would love to work on with myself, but I’m not going to let it stop me from making a change, even if that change is itty bitty. So if you have gotten through this whole things, and would like to leave your opinion, feedback, commentary of ANY sort, PLEASE do so below! You can post a comment anonymously, and write about ANYTHING you want, it doesn’t have to be just fashion. Let’s change the world, together, one outfit at a time! I love each and every one of you, even if we’re never met, if you read my posts or check out my pictures, I appreciate you, you keep me going every day. Stay stylish, have a good one......xoxo -Viktoria.
